so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
