Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
