He is such a slut. More and more my type.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
