are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
