I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
