It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
