dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
