so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
