i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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