Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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