I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize