By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize