I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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