He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
