I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
