I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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