Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
