when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
