We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
