I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
