I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Less talking, more tequila
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
They have beer where we have blood.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
