He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
