I got chris browned last night
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize
