I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
