No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
