I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He has the fingertips of a God
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