the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Come share oat with me in your robe
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
