Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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