I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
