I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize