it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
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I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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