he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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