I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
