once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
