i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver just had a heart attack.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
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