Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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