update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He felt like a one man threesome
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
