Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
