bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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