Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
