I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
