so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
All the doctor said was why
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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