im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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