i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
