Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
