My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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