Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
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We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
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We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
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