What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
