i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
