If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
