Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
