conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
