If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
