my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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