a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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