Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
