So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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