Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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